PROLOGUE:Marriages are made in heaven!...Gasp...But hell is unleashed in marriages!Just like in circus,where the suspended trapezists's agony is ignored by the cheering crowd,the marriage looks like a beautiful event from the 15th row of the mandapam(marriage hall) to the person whos responsibility ends with shoving the gift into the couple's hands and giving critical review of the buffet.Inflation or recession theres no stopping this industry!
HISTORY:
Let me guess the origin of the system.The only productive activity early man indulged was in production.This would have resulted in a pandemonium of sorts,with rapid births and survival of the fittest theory adding salt to the wound.Then overtime maybe man was evolving emotionally when he discovered LOVE and decided to direct it towards one unique person only,then claimed responsibility of his produce aka children and worked for his FAMILY's nourishment alone.Slowly the "Screw Anyone" way of life got screwed and sexual advance outside his moral jurisdiction a.k.a Family became blasphemy.Thus must have evolved a formal ritual/ceremony called Marriage only to recognise a particular couple as soulmates for convenience and direction of a portion of the society's resources towards them.But as centuries passed with advent of various religions and cultures,the simple ceremony became a dramtic rigmarole alloyed with superstitious beliefs.
CURRENT SCENARIO:
According to the septuagenarian school of thoughts-
1)A person ought to get hooked before his transition from teenage to quarter century mark ends
2)If someone's a wastrel,marriage is the cure which makes them responsible(Obviously,a heavy load tied to a free traveller's back does reduce his flamboyance)
3)The bride's family(bakras) are religiously bound to spend from nappy to nano during the marriage without getting intimidated by the groom's family's tantrums(If they can't afford...the scripture of dummies-Canto IV authorises them to beg,borrow,steal n sell organs)
4)The bakras are supposed to give a filthy unrealistic amount of dowry in money n kind(refer Canto IV) as a part of "spiritual" austerity.The amount and volume of dowry is subjective with reference to the groom's educational qualifications,looks,height,fav ice cream flavor etc)
5)This is the craziest of all-The girl becomes the daughter of the groom's house and severes here bond with her family.If she happens to be working,her proceeds go her husband's family henceforth(Poor bakras who brought her up from infancy,educated her and got indebted due to her marriage face negative return on investment knowingly)
THE PROCESS(salient features alone touched upon):
BEGINNING:
The dreadful meet up between the anticipated bride-groom families,mostly in the girl's house embellished with sweets and savories,test of the girl's vocal chords,patience and approval of the girl by the board of relatives based on votes.
QUOTATION and TERMS & CONDITIONS:
Once the girl is voted for permanent tormentation,the groom's family asks for competitive quotation from the girls father and announces the terms & conditions,dos and donts.Bride's father is the most ironical seller who pays to sell his product of toil & love to a heartless seeker.Once approved,Insanity prevails
CARTOON NETWORK IN THE MARRIAGE HALL:
On the D-day,the marriage hall is characterised by varied people and activities-Made-up aunties past their prime competing to give the bride,a run for her money,their innocent husbands who take solace from them under the pretext of an "official" phonecalls or behind upside down tilted magazines,babies sitting next to uncles & uncles babysitting,prematurely ripe kids who talk like adults to everyones annoyance in the name of cuteness and adults who talk like kids overdoing naivety,some wannabe attention hunting teenagers who slog their ass out to be the cynosure of the camera man's coverage and a very few sane people who stick their heads out like sore thumbs.
FACE THE MUSIC:
The atmosphere is enlightened by loud-out of tune songs rendered by a music troupe,comprisng of neophyte singers who go painfully offnote with a celebrity panache and instigate further by encouraging the crowd to cheer along,only to be snubbed.Also to add fuel to the fire, a few over-enthusiastic volunteers go on stage to contribute to the vocal holocaust The purpose of this is actually to improve the crowd's mobility.
THE THING:
The only segment which makes the bride's father smile is that of receiving gifts.Even here there a few googlies-some people give empty envelopes with fancy designs,some give bouquets,some exasperating confident handshakes and some good samaritans money and money's equivalents!
THE GUILT TRIP:
A car from a nearby scrapyard sans engine and accelarator with minimal locomotive capability is hired for further entertainment.The debonair groom and bride are made to sit on this final destination accesory which is prefarbly made to roll on a downward sloping main rd with misbehaved kids sitting all over the car and inquisite relatives getting nostalgic.This tedious trip ends at a nearby place of worship finally after eons.
FOOD FLAK:
This is the most purposeful event of the wedding the deliciousness of which is directly proportionate to karma theory,this is characterised by-demonic eaters who want to make good their loss(read gift) here by loop modes of servings,cheapsters who ask parcels for absent family members,authoritative trespassers from groom's family who invade the kitchen and generously distribute deserts to unanticipated friends circle to disturb the demand-supply and self appointed food critics who point out thought provoking manufacturing defects in starters and maincourse.
THE GAME:
The main ceremony is characterised by many customs and rituals which resembles an oral recitation before a games period in high school w.r.t the mechanical manner in which things go about.Every 10th minute the priest asks for a token donation( a.k.a SAMBAAVNAonly in multiples of 500).Next in line of frivolity comes "Kasi-Yatra",an event from:ancient times to dissuade a sage from going to Kasi to enter marital bliss.But now,the urban groom whos hardly aware is made to act like hes leaving to Kasi and the bride's father acts like requesting him to stay back with poor theatrical abilities.This is followed up by arcade games(consisting of pinpong with coconuts,papad breaking on heads,lifting of the couple by over-enthusiastic relatives-JUVENILE).Finally the mangalsutra a.k.a thali is tied,which marks the end of the final act of the circus.
EPILOGUE:
If only we had put in half the resources expended on paying advances to Marriage Halls and caterers on understanding and appreciating the sanctity of the wedding itself,it would have been far less exasperating!But,until then in my opinion the marriage performed for convenience in forest centuries ago will continue to be better than these lavish-priest centric ones!!
HISTORY:
Let me guess the origin of the system.The only productive activity early man indulged was in production.This would have resulted in a pandemonium of sorts,with rapid births and survival of the fittest theory adding salt to the wound.Then overtime maybe man was evolving emotionally when he discovered LOVE and decided to direct it towards one unique person only,then claimed responsibility of his produce aka children and worked for his FAMILY's nourishment alone.Slowly the "Screw Anyone" way of life got screwed and sexual advance outside his moral jurisdiction a.k.a Family became blasphemy.Thus must have evolved a formal ritual/ceremony called Marriage only to recognise a particular couple as soulmates for convenience and direction of a portion of the society's resources towards them.But as centuries passed with advent of various religions and cultures,the simple ceremony became a dramtic rigmarole alloyed with superstitious beliefs.
CURRENT SCENARIO:
According to the septuagenarian school of thoughts-
1)A person ought to get hooked before his transition from teenage to quarter century mark ends
2)If someone's a wastrel,marriage is the cure which makes them responsible(Obviously,a heavy load tied to a free traveller's back does reduce his flamboyance)
3)The bride's family(bakras) are religiously bound to spend from nappy to nano during the marriage without getting intimidated by the groom's family's tantrums(If they can't afford...the scripture of dummies-Canto IV authorises them to beg,borrow,steal n sell organs)
4)The bakras are supposed to give a filthy unrealistic amount of dowry in money n kind(refer Canto IV) as a part of "spiritual" austerity.The amount and volume of dowry is subjective with reference to the groom's educational qualifications,looks,height,fav ice cream flavor etc)
5)This is the craziest of all-The girl becomes the daughter of the groom's house and severes here bond with her family.If she happens to be working,her proceeds go her husband's family henceforth(Poor bakras who brought her up from infancy,educated her and got indebted due to her marriage face negative return on investment knowingly)
THE PROCESS(salient features alone touched upon):
BEGINNING:
The dreadful meet up between the anticipated bride-groom families,mostly in the girl's house embellished with sweets and savories,test of the girl's vocal chords,patience and approval of the girl by the board of relatives based on votes.
QUOTATION and TERMS & CONDITIONS:
Once the girl is voted for permanent tormentation,the groom's family asks for competitive quotation from the girls father and announces the terms & conditions,dos and donts.Bride's father is the most ironical seller who pays to sell his product of toil & love to a heartless seeker.Once approved,Insanity prevails
CARTOON NETWORK IN THE MARRIAGE HALL:
On the D-day,the marriage hall is characterised by varied people and activities-Made-up aunties past their prime competing to give the bride,a run for her money,their innocent husbands who take solace from them under the pretext of an "official" phonecalls or behind upside down tilted magazines,babies sitting next to uncles & uncles babysitting,prematurely ripe kids who talk like adults to everyones annoyance in the name of cuteness and adults who talk like kids overdoing naivety,some wannabe attention hunting teenagers who slog their ass out to be the cynosure of the camera man's coverage and a very few sane people who stick their heads out like sore thumbs.
FACE THE MUSIC:
The atmosphere is enlightened by loud-out of tune songs rendered by a music troupe,comprisng of neophyte singers who go painfully offnote with a celebrity panache and instigate further by encouraging the crowd to cheer along,only to be snubbed.Also to add fuel to the fire, a few over-enthusiastic volunteers go on stage to contribute to the vocal holocaust The purpose of this is actually to improve the crowd's mobility.
THE THING:
The only segment which makes the bride's father smile is that of receiving gifts.Even here there a few googlies-some people give empty envelopes with fancy designs,some give bouquets,some exasperating confident handshakes and some good samaritans money and money's equivalents!
THE GUILT TRIP:
A car from a nearby scrapyard sans engine and accelarator with minimal locomotive capability is hired for further entertainment.The debonair groom and bride are made to sit on this final destination accesory which is prefarbly made to roll on a downward sloping main rd with misbehaved kids sitting all over the car and inquisite relatives getting nostalgic.This tedious trip ends at a nearby place of worship finally after eons.
FOOD FLAK:
This is the most purposeful event of the wedding the deliciousness of which is directly proportionate to karma theory,this is characterised by-demonic eaters who want to make good their loss(read gift) here by loop modes of servings,cheapsters who ask parcels for absent family members,authoritative trespassers from groom's family who invade the kitchen and generously distribute deserts to unanticipated friends circle to disturb the demand-supply and self appointed food critics who point out thought provoking manufacturing defects in starters and maincourse.
THE GAME:
The main ceremony is characterised by many customs and rituals which resembles an oral recitation before a games period in high school w.r.t the mechanical manner in which things go about.Every 10th minute the priest asks for a token donation( a.k.a SAMBAAVNAonly in multiples of 500).Next in line of frivolity comes "Kasi-Yatra",an event from:ancient times to dissuade a sage from going to Kasi to enter marital bliss.But now,the urban groom whos hardly aware is made to act like hes leaving to Kasi and the bride's father acts like requesting him to stay back with poor theatrical abilities.This is followed up by arcade games(consisting of pinpong with coconuts,papad breaking on heads,lifting of the couple by over-enthusiastic relatives-JUVENILE).Finally the mangalsutra a.k.a thali is tied,which marks the end of the final act of the circus.
EPILOGUE:
If only we had put in half the resources expended on paying advances to Marriage Halls and caterers on understanding and appreciating the sanctity of the wedding itself,it would have been far less exasperating!But,until then in my opinion the marriage performed for convenience in forest centuries ago will continue to be better than these lavish-priest centric ones!!
First Recording Ever Made
ReplyDeleteHMV had once published a pamphlet giving the history of gramophone record. Gramophone was invented by Thomas Alva Edison in the 19th century. Edison, who had invented many other gadgets like electric light and the motion picture camera, had become a legend even in his own time.
When He invented the gramophone record, which could record human voice for posterity, he wanted to record the voice of an eminent scholar on his first piece. For that he chose Prof. Max Muller of England, another great personality of the 19th century. He wrote to Max Muller saying, "I want to meet you and record your voice. When should I come?" Max Muller who had great respect for Edison asked him to come on a suitable time when most of the scholars of the Europe would be gathering in England.
Accordingly Edison took a ship and went to England. He was introduced to the audience. All cheered Edison's presence. Later at the request of Edison Max Muller came on the stage and spoke in front of the instrument. Then Edison went back to his laboratory and by afternoon came back with a disc. He played the gramophone disc from his instrument. The audience was thrilled to hear the voice of Max Muller from the instrument. They were glad that voices of great persons like Max Muller could be stored for the benefit of posterity.
After several rounds of applause and congratulations to Thomas Alva Edison, Max Muller came to the stage and addressed the scholars and asked them, "You heard my original voice in the morning. Then you heard the same voice coming out from this instrument in the afternoon. Do you understand what I said in the morning or what you heard in the afternoon?"
The audience fell silent because they could not understand the language in which Max Muller had spoken. It was `Greek and Latin' to them as they say. But had it been Greek or Latin, they would have definitely understood because they were from various parts of Europe. It was in a language which the European scholars had never heard.
Max Muller then explained what he had spoken. He said that the language he spoke was Sanskrit and it was the first shloka of Rig Veda, which says "Agni Meele Purohitam". This was the first recorded public version on the gramophone plate.
Why did Max Muller choose this? Addressing the audience he said, "Vedas are the oldest text of the human race. And Agni Meele Purohitam is the first verse of Rig Veda. In the most primordial time when the people of Europe were jumping like Chimpanzees, from tree to tree and branch to branch, when they did not know how to cover their bodies, but with fig leaves, did not know agriculture and lived by hunting and lived in caves, at that remote past, Indians had attained high civilization and they gave to the world universal philosophies in the form of the Vedas.
This shows r vedas aren stupid texts and i belive r ancestors r much mre farsighted n humble dan wat v are so hv some respect for vedas
I live in 2010,I document the happening as they are or in a dramatic way with a lot of exaggeration...after centuries these documents become artifacts and the words contained in them wisdom.Ancestors were also jus normal ppl prone to errors jus like us n were as or more materialistic as us!so its ma outlook to take things on their face value n not on herd instinct...n btw i haven disrespected the vedas anywhere,m jus highlightin the lousiness/misuse and manipulation of the holy doctrines!n also its ur call to respect vedas or not,this is ma democratic jurisdiction where m free to express ma thoughts!so getta life
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