HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY

PROLOGUE

Today would mostly start with a live relay of a septuagenarian within the safe confines of a bullet proof cabinet, delivering a speech which would make a 4^th Grade student’s essay on “Dream Nation” look more plausible. Next we excavate those translucent white kurtas (subtle metaphor for patriotism it seems) from below the debris   of Van Heusens & Peter Englands in our cupboard, only to flaunt in the Flag hoisting ceremony at our alma maters. The journey to our alma maters is characterized by banters of desperate RJs hurling patriotic trivia & songs at us from every radio station.

Then the flag hoisting with a spirited rendition of the National anthem ends on a sweet note, courtesy Caramilk(a provision store relic). Then we have over enthusiastic alumni deliver articulated lectures about why culture & folklore are more important than android phones & GDPs. Thus begins our patriotic rigmarole on the august day.

FREE ARE WE AS INDIANS?!

Lets start with freedom in movies for a start, If the movie's font is arabic or the protaganist has a beard without a moustache....the movie's anti-islam-ban it!...if the protagonist utters any word which bears remote similarity to a political figure’s moniker or is shown contesting election(even if in college)-the movie's politically incorrect-ban it! When our political mechanism has broken down huge stars with the ease of a fragile twig, what chance do we lesser mortals even stand in our Constitution backed freedom of expression!

Art isn’t far from the long arm of our Political guardian angels either- If a famous painter depicts a Goddess in a semi nude state, we ensure he is rusticated from the land. Ironically though, ancient architecture in most of the temples depicts Gods & Goddesses in similar manner.

If an author dares to take on a religious issue in his fictional book in a gutsy manner, he instantly is made an apostle of Satan in public domain & his citizenship is severed like bad friendship.

With the freedom of expression of a common man becoming thinner at a more alarming rate than the ozone layer, If someone mentions a political proper noun in bad light in social network or even a inter cubicle conversation, he can be rest assured of a rendezvous with Arnab Goswami or brief internship behind the bars.

INDEPENDENT ARE WE AS INDIANS?!

Lets talk about how independent we are at a grass root level taking into account very mundane things for instance, we Indians are genetically programmed to look upto people with good spoken English abilities with scant regard to their intelligence…like an unwise customer picking up a branded vessel with a hole in the bottom. We look down upon someone mispronouncing an English name like a dung beetle, only to enjoy Geoff Boycott’s carnage of Indian names like connoisseurs.

More often than not when we talk about movies in public space, we flaunt names of unheard of Egyptian/Spanish/Korean/Russian movies with the pride of a newly married woman gossiping about her loan funded honeymoon. Notwithstanding this we celebrate 100 Years of Indian Cinema, where we make a tribute movie helmed by reputed auteurs, only to be diagnosed as a rip-off!

Despite being in a tropical country, we dress up like Louis Philippe mannequins to make our sweat glands work overtime. And if the wardrobe buffoonery wasn’t enough, we assign anglicized alter egos to burn midnight oil for our living, so that westerners learn to use their home appliances.

 

UNITED ARE WE AS INDIANS?

The only time we are genuinely united together as a nation is when Sachin’s batting or India is in a good position in the second innings of a match. Another occasion we display unity in diversity is when the news about a politician’s multicrore scam hogs limelight or Rahul Gandhi tries to make a political statement, this is when everyone suddenly seem so opinionated & awakened. Barring this flickering display of patriotism on these stray occasions, every state seems to be an isolated mini nation with its own agenda. While public holidays & bribery seem to be a common thread linking the entire nation, the legality of prostitution changes from state to state.

EPILOGUE:

As on date our pan Indian feeling seems to be a shallow concept that is characterized by either pilgrimages to places ripe with religious heritage or sin-dissolving dips in holy waters that transport corpses or art of living workshops where saffron clad urban babas teach us life altering things like importance of eating bananas . Not to forget our uniform liking to ayurvedic massage spas or failed attempts to smuggle pickles  past terminals in foreign soil or our favourite national past time of talking about the gutter, our political system has become.

Being patriotic doesn’t just end with Ben Kingsley’s Gandhi on playlist or standing up when the anthem is played, it’s a mental state where we accept the nation with its share of flaws without making a laundry list of lacunae…like a mother’s unconditional love for her son. Till then August 15^th would just be another cosmetic public holiday when pizza joints gives us buy 1 get 1 offer!