FRIENDSLIP

X-"We both keep in touch on a regular basis and more importantly respect each other's opinions",
Y-"Sounds good,so can I presume you guys are good friends?"
X-"on FB,yeah"
Y-"!@#$%%%&"

Friendship is the most littered word ever!Myth talks about eternal friendship between warriors of opposite camps,person taking the arrow shot at his friend on his bosom, men perishing along with their pals avoiding the lure to switch camps. Celluloid lore talks about a rich guy going out of the way to help his poor bud,protagonist sacrificing the girl of his dream for his friend,donating  assorted organs to replace his mate from the jaws of death,a wreck-machine who takes on the system to avenge his bud’s death and even wastrels who disable themselves physically to enable their friend’s friend elope with his girl and all other possible exaggerated portrayals of  ‘eternity ’ of friendship the human-mind can take!

But in the current scenario,true friendship’s become hypothetical and use of one’s resources towards his friend’s need has become viability based.This doesn’t mean true friendship doesn’t exist at all,it does like honest politicians & trim cops.And the indifferent few who dole out words like "friendship" & "soulmates" are often taken along in the same breadth as a vintage car or an excavated fossil.

 MISTAKEN PALS

This is the most common, yet unnoticed category.  This includes situation created friends who came into our lives through the conspiracy of fate & coincidence like our kindergarten/school/tuition mates or even the guy next door who used to be an accomplice during our balancing wheel days.  One common thing between all these people is that it could have been them or anybody else or in other words, the friendship came out of constraint of being in the same nursery/same class or the same neighbourhood and not out of emotional compatibility or mutual liking to make it special.  These places were well regulated/safely protected environments controlled by teachers & subjects, unlike in adulthood which imparts hard-hitting lesson in the rear ,at a point when the mind expects love,affection & understands betrayal.  These people were acquaintances mistaken to be “childhood buddies” famously.  Some childhood friends do get closer with age,but most remain namesake in the finite estate of nostalgia.

PARASITE PALS

These are people who expect things gladly, till we expect back.  The sole purpose of their name featuring in our contacts is to avoid their calls.  You can expect them in your life most certainly when yout're downhill,figuratively mostly and literally at times.  On a bad day when we are behind our schedule or have a pressing commitment  to complete, these men manifest out of nowhere in unexpected public places only to hone our patience by talking about those non-existent good old days with well-conceived imaginary flashbacks and worse, expect strong reciprocation from us back.

This is the time when our mind sinks into the sea of regret wondering  how harder can the face frown to convey annoyance to the speaker who is clueless about the art of body language.Finally when Satan's long innings ends at our pitch,with this guy receding away ,the hatred towards our ears reduces only to abruptly end by his-“We should catch up again!”

VIRTUAL PALS

At a time when the internet is no more a luxury earmarked for the higher-middle group and android phones have become more accessible than groceries,these people trespass into our lives like a virus through firewall.These are low-maintenance relations running on social-networking apps like whatsapp, facebook,viber,skype,
In a place like facebook, the number of friends one has could be a really deceiving aspect apart from the spirit of bonhomie kept alive by photo-bombing and tagging.This friendship, in a nutshell is as strong as one's internet plan.

VICE PALS

As the name suggests, this relation is born out of the common urge to fag,booze or drugs in a common place at a uniform time by like minded men,who got the concept of population control a little wrong. Like an automobile which just wouldn't move an inch without the fuel intake, their bromance blossoms symbiotically with every bout.  This escapist pursuit for happiness in alcohol remains as futile as the sheep’s plight for solace in the butcher’s knife.In short,a relationship which doesn't last beyond the hangover.

PANICK PALS

They basically use us as a dumpyard to unload their problems. They remain in a self imposed exile from us during their happy times and when the last drop of merry gets over,they get their chronologically accumulated woes to us, to rightfully seek our “honest opinions” in the name of friendship.The easy way to get rid of them is ask them for a top-up.

PICNIC PALS   

Notwithstanding the ongoing shallow relation,like cat in a dog-show they barge into our life with systematically etched,well-budgeted reunions/retreats/movie plans/birthday parties(not theirs).Basically, they seek your company for improving the headcount or filling the budgetary deficit in their purposeful getaways.

 PAY PALS

This relation is as strong as one's bank balance.They come with the deposits and leave with the withdrawals.They're generally found in high end places with filthy rich people take them to be real,like a naive flower about the honey bee.

Not that I'm cynical about the idea of friendship,but just that in some cases friendship’s eternity is a bit overrated.Everyone does have true friends who really care about them & remain constant notwithstanding the changes in fortune.
Just that,it's good to have one good friend than a dozen meaningless ones, for as many zeroes as there maybe in the background, we need an one in the forefront to lend value to the number.

                

Of Loved Ones & Loud Ones!

Fossil fuels,petroleum,oil etc aren't only the endangered natural resources that are fast depleting and need to be conserved,there's one more natural resource-our Emotional Apparatus.

 Like the aforesaid resources our grandparents too won’t be there for our successors to live alongside, that is nature’s design, but at the current rate of emotional nuclearity chances of their memories penetrating to the next generation looks bleak!

We have mentally evolved into abominable creatures who are insensitive to emotions not with flair, but with a lot of herd instinct to be “COOL”. Our generation just doesn’t have time to succumb to the beauty of nostalgia to take us over on a pleasure trip to relive those eternally cherished moments with our close buddies, because we are flashback proof! We are these futuristic douchebags who live in the present and hate to think about the past that is dead.

When at our grandparent's place, especially during festival time formality visit/due diligence they try  sermonising  on how bad and mean the world around has become with a lot of unadulterated concern and love for us(little do they know that we have already sunk into jetlag mode!).Accepted that beyond the first two minutes this conversation,err monologue becomes a tad too tiresome(which is attributable to the wavelength differences effected by the steep generation gap)…but we go over the top in calling them uninteresting on their faces bluntly without provision for courtesy in the name of being “frank”!!But the truth is we just don’t have the time for this in our suffocating busy agenda comprising of visits to ethnically designed coffee pubs, talks about unresolved issues with opposite sex or their attractiveness or lack of it,adventurous escapades from parental advice, political scams(in a "I can fix that" tone), gossip about celebrities, movie reviews, gang conflicts & territorial issues, hogging in newly opened neighborhood food joints, indulgence in expensive slow death inducing activities a.k.a  fagging & boozing etc.

Most ironical thing about us we don’t show love to the people who show love to us, but immerse neck deep the ones who hardly acknowledge our existence with our love and are bemused with the lack of reciprocation. The fact is they are just mirroring your state of mind & reconfirming your entitlement. When you keep poking your loved one’s soft corner  persistently, you’ve got to be the punching bag of a heartless person at some juncture.

Whatever we are faced with now, good or bad is our hard earned dividend from the past. So next time when you get blasted by your boss at the work place, insulted by the conductor for not tendering exact change, subjected to handpicked swear words of a autodriver at a signal for his fault, involved in a lopsided brawl with a brawny barbarian in a crowded place, snubbed by your gang for  a plan you were dying to be part of, kidnapped on your birthday & released subsequently on grounds of mistaken identity, get your expensive white shirt  smeared with chocolate coloured water on a rainy day by a careless driver you must wake up to this revelation!

Just remember that with every mindless drama at home with your loved ones, you’re getting earmarked for some assorted fancy repercussions carefully directed by fate!

Karma-random thoughts

If an animal is butchered now,it should have been a butcher then,

If a septuagenarian  is disrespected now,he should have been a disrespectful adoelscent then,

If a greenhorn actor makes it big now,he should have been a impecunious great actor then,

An enslaved person gasping for democracy now,should have been a tyrant autocrat then,

A good Samaritan mortal now,should have been a materialistic demigod then,

A demigod now,should have been a self realized mortal then,

An opulent philanthropist now,should have been a pauper who embraced altruism then,

A bored husband now,should have been a boring wife then,

A vexed third world citizen now,should have been a malcontent first world citizen,

A great person now,should have been a good person then,

A lackluster blogger then,should be reading this blog now.

The Great Indian circus-Kalyanam Chronicles

PROLOGUE:Marriages are made in heaven!...Gasp...But hell is unleashed in marriages!Just like in circus,where the suspended trapezists's agony is ignored by the cheering crowd,the marriage looks like a beautiful event from the 15th row of the mandapam(marriage hall) to the person whos responsibility ends with shoving the gift into the couple's hands and giving critical review of the buffet.Inflation or recession theres no stopping this industry!
HISTORY:
Let me guess the origin of the system.The only productive activity early man indulged was in production.This would have resulted in a pandemonium of sorts,with rapid births and survival of the fittest theory adding salt to the wound.Then overtime maybe man was evolving emotionally when he discovered LOVE and decided to direct it towards one unique person only,then claimed responsibility of his produce aka children and worked for his FAMILY's nourishment alone.Slowly the "Screw Anyone" way of life got screwed and sexual advance outside his moral jurisdiction a.k.a Family became blasphemy.Thus must have evolved a formal ritual/ceremony called Marriage only to recognise a particular couple as soulmates for convenience and direction of a portion of the society's resources towards them.But as centuries passed with advent of various religions and cultures,the simple ceremony became a dramtic rigmarole alloyed with superstitious beliefs.
CURRENT SCENARIO:
According to the septuagenarian school of thoughts-
1)A person ought to get hooked before his transition from teenage to quarter century mark ends
2)If someone's a wastrel,marriage is the cure which makes them responsible(Obviously,a heavy load tied to a free traveller's back does reduce his flamboyance)
3)The bride's family(bakras) are religiously bound to spend from nappy to nano during the marriage without getting intimidated by the groom's family's tantrums(If they can't afford...the scripture of dummies-Canto IV authorises them to beg,borrow,steal n sell organs)
4)The bakras are supposed to give a filthy unrealistic amount of dowry in money n kind(refer Canto IV) as a part of "spiritual" austerity.The amount and volume of dowry is subjective with reference to the groom's educational qualifications,looks,height,fav ice cream flavor etc)
5)This is the craziest of all-The girl becomes the daughter of the groom's house and severes here bond with her family.If she happens to be working,her proceeds go her husband's family henceforth(Poor bakras who brought her up from infancy,educated her and got indebted due to her marriage face negative return on investment knowingly)

THE PROCESS(salient features alone touched upon):

BEGINNING:
The dreadful meet up between the anticipated bride-groom families,mostly in the girl's house embellished with sweets and savories,test of the girl's vocal chords,patience and approval of the girl by the board of relatives based on votes.

QUOTATION and TERMS & CONDITIONS:
Once the girl is voted for permanent tormentation,the groom's family asks for competitive quotation from the girls father and announces the terms & conditions,dos and donts.Bride's father is the most ironical seller who pays to sell his product of toil & love to a heartless seeker.Once approved,Insanity prevails

CARTOON NETWORK IN THE MARRIAGE HALL:
On the D-day,the marriage hall is characterised by varied people and activities-Made-up aunties past their prime competing to give the bride,a run for her money,their innocent husbands who take solace from them under the pretext of an "official" phonecalls or behind upside down tilted magazines,babies sitting next to uncles & uncles babysitting,prematurely ripe kids who talk like adults to everyones annoyance in the name of cuteness and adults who talk like kids overdoing naivety,some wannabe attention hunting teenagers who slog their ass out to be the cynosure of the camera man's coverage and a very few sane people who stick their heads out like sore thumbs.

FACE THE MUSIC:
The atmosphere is enlightened by loud-out of tune songs rendered by a music troupe,comprisng of neophyte singers who go painfully offnote with a celebrity panache and instigate further by encouraging the crowd to cheer along,only to be snubbed.Also to add fuel to the fire, a few over-enthusiastic volunteers go on stage to contribute to the vocal holocaust The purpose of this is actually to improve the crowd's mobility.

THE THING:
The only segment which makes the bride's father smile is that of receiving gifts.Even here there a few googlies-some people give empty envelopes with fancy designs,some give bouquets,some exasperating confident handshakes and some good samaritans money and money's equivalents!

THE GUILT TRIP:
A car from a nearby scrapyard sans engine and accelarator with minimal locomotive capability is hired for further entertainment.The debonair groom and bride are made to sit on this final destination accesory which is prefarbly made to roll on a downward sloping main rd with misbehaved kids sitting all over the car and inquisite relatives getting nostalgic.This tedious trip ends at a nearby place of worship finally after eons.

FOOD FLAK:
This is the most purposeful event of the wedding the deliciousness of which is directly proportionate to karma theory,this is characterised by-demonic eaters who want to make good their loss(read gift) here by loop modes of servings,cheapsters who ask parcels for absent family members,authoritative trespassers from groom's family who invade the kitchen and generously distribute deserts to unanticipated friends circle to disturb the demand-supply and self appointed food critics who point out thought provoking manufacturing defects in starters and maincourse.

THE GAME:
The main ceremony is characterised by many customs and rituals which resembles an oral recitation before a games period in high school w.r.t the mechanical manner in which things go about.Every 10th minute the priest asks for a token donation( a.k.a SAMBAAVNAonly in multiples of 500).Next in line of frivolity comes "Kasi-Yatra",an event from:ancient times to dissuade a sage from going to Kasi to enter marital bliss.But now,the urban groom whos hardly aware is made to act like hes leaving to Kasi and the bride's father acts like requesting him to stay back with poor theatrical abilities.This is followed up by arcade games(consisting of pinpong with coconuts,papad breaking on heads,lifting of the couple by over-enthusiastic relatives-JUVENILE).Finally the mangalsutra a.k.a thali is tied,which marks the end of the final act of the circus.

EPILOGUE:
 If only we had put in half the resources expended on paying advances to Marriage Halls and caterers on understanding and appreciating the sanctity of the wedding itself,it would have been far less exasperating!But,until then in my opinion the marriage performed for convenience in forest centuries ago will continue to be better than these lavish-priest centric ones!! 

On Love-Random thoughts

The only thing  the seeker loses himself to find
The only language animals speak to us in
The thing that makes a blindman see or deafman hear
The sacrifice of own's fats,for someone else's calorie
The self control of a marooned vegetarian to remain so with dodos around
The thing which makes God out of a stone
The deafness in the ears,when the friend's words are fierce
The reluctance to accept from a broken debtor
The juvenile reason for melodies to exist
Trance that mitigates the stench of a  toddler's urine
The cosmetic,that makes a loving old man young
The secret ingredient moms only add to food
The tolerance to sit through a friend's boring conversation
The thread that links X & Y chromosomes
and converts buildings to homes
A kind miser's only act of philanthropy
The only religion that unites,
The only cult sans dogmas
The elixir which makes the dead live,
the lack of which makes the living dead
The forgiveness to a dear one's folly
Devoid of which heart is vestigial
The presence of which makes poor men rich
The dearth of which makes wealth,filth
To love is to love without expecting to be loved
It exists when a pet's tail wags,
And also when an elder's advice drags

To not acknowledge God's existence,but love is theism

To not love,but believe in God is atheism

Athithi Devo Bhava!-ALIENS FROM EARTH

Lizards,cockroaches,mosquitoes,flies,frogs,centipedes,rats n bandicoots are referred to as uninvited guests....i would like add one more category to this-SUDDEN RELATIVES!!
We can use all out,baygon,hit,odomos,broomsticks,rubber slippers n bare hands to annihilate the above mentioned insects/pests....but sadly even poison in the food/extreme discourtesy won't persuade these SUDDEN RELATIVES to make a quick exit!!
Relatives who are hardly among your well-wishers list or scheme of activities or last resort dining table conversation topics....but suddenly stick out like a sore thumb at odd times of the year/day without feeling awkward to foil your elaborately made family plans are known as SUDDEN RELATIVES(SR)!!If movie,picnic,restaurant n pizza aspirations of the family are iron filings,then SR are magnets......If you are planning for an evenin with your family even in the deepest layer of sub-conscious mind(inception proof)...the whole universe will conspire to bring a SR atleast fifteen minutes before you start out!!
Following are some of the tendencies of chronic SR:
1)CATCH PHRASES:
They hurl these catch phrases at the youngsters of the family to develop a plastic vibe to war a hostile environment:"You are looking completely different from what I saw you last!"(it means you look awful!),"How many girl/boy friends do you have?"(they expect a NO,to start a cute denial spree),"Which movie did you see last?(This ones very dangerous..they expect you to take them to this movie!) and the most common one-"What plans for the future?(means,hope you don't have a future)
2)KITCHEN ENCUMBRANCE:
Authoritative trespassing into the kitchen and gargantuan consumption of snacks n beverages reserved for the younger ones in the name of tasting!Sometimes they even try to cook new dishes which make us repent the existance of our tongue..to add fuel to the fire,they keep serving more ignoring facial gymnastics n misunderstand tolerance to be relishment!!
3)ACCELARATED CONSUMPTION:
The monthly grocery rapidly decreases in demonic proportions,thanks to their war/tsunami/earthquake victim/refugee like desperate consumption pattern.Not to forget the numerous STD/ISD calls they make.This period leave a huge dent financially
4)SIGHT SEEING:
The next fundamental right,they feel is to be taken around to all tourist attractions/neighbourhood parks the whole day.This happens to be a tedious process as they come to compare these tourist spots with their city's and not to admire.Then they shop for famous things from our city from various high-end shops and disappear near the billing counter only to reappear in the parkin lot expressing displeasure over us spending for them!
5)LONG TERM OCCUPANCY:
What starts as a permission to visit the toilet in the bedroom,develops to careful placing of luggage in the bedroom shelf,which blossoms to unprecedented occupancy/usage of the bed(pillows,bedsheets n soft-toys included),this period metamorphosises from day to week to fortnight to month to quarter to half year to annum.This continues till they become eligible to feature in our ration card were they sort of feel guilty.
6)PACK UP:
Finally they realise the magnitude of burden on us and spot official commitments as reason for their 'premature exit' and pack food n other edibles(enough for monthly consumption by a village).Sometimes even showpieces from the house go missing along with them.
7)DEPARTURE:
We are compulsarily made to book tickets and take them to the terminus/railway stn/airport and send them off with aquafina bottles.This part actually makes us blush as we rejoice in the back of our mind abt the end of apocalypse only to be shortlived when the domestic dynamites say-"WE WILL BE BACK NEXT YR!"

PSEUDO-DEMOCRACY!!

Democracy means-By the People,For the People & Of the People.
Let me tinker with this definition to make it relevant for our nation-
Buy the People,For(ge) the People n Off the People
In today's economy Democracy is available in copious qty only in schools in the followin ways:
1)school pupil leaders n group leaders for every section r elected by fellow schoolmates through a regulated election.
2)The word "DEMOCRACY" keeps occuring repeatedly in Social Studies/Economics Text books upto 10th grade.

A SHORT STORY
Though juvenile,this is the current state of our country.Its an open secret that Family politics is the order of the day.Lets consider this 'hypothetical' case-A becomes PM by virtue of his efforts towards upliftment of the nation,begets a daughter B who becomes PM sans qualifications by virtue of her daughterhood,B begets a son C who completes the transition from a teen brat to a highhanded uncle in a foreign land and also gets hooked to a women with whom he has a son D from there.Next he returns to rightfully becomes the next PM again by virtue of being his mothers son.Then his imported wife suddenly becomes Mother India by virtue of her being the wife of C on his sudden demise.D went abroad and freaked out in the best of educational institutions there, while his mom's party was giving sermons on Sanskriti n other politician friendly desi-topics.D was bored there as he had been to almost all the famous places there,so D comes back to his paternal inheritance a.k.a India and is touted to be the next favourite son of the nation like his forefathers!!
P.S:Resemblance to any politician who is before/behind bars..looting/looted...above/under ground,murdered/murdering,caught/escaped is purely coincidental.Ans also A,B,C & D are alphabets and continue remain so.

CEILING LIMIT
The ruler/ruling party in a democracy should be chosen by the people,not by inheritance or genetic connections,as it ain't Monarchy!!This is a  huge pothole in our constitution which requires to be mended at the earliest.For an auditor there's a ceiling limit for the number of company audits he can undertake.Likewise for exporters/traders/manufacturers there is a ceiling limit on their produce/turnover etc.This is to give a fair chance to other players.Similarly,there should be a period/headcount bound ceiling limit on family members who can participate in the political process from a family.If X had served as a minister for 5 yrs,his direct linear ascendant/descendant should become ineligible by default to contest elections for the next 5 yrs.In an ever expanding nation(population wise)...this would sort of give a fair chance to more people to work for the country.

Another main reason for family politcs to develop is existence of political parties were people from a particular family alone sit on the throne of defacto  year after year to take the best ministries & cabinets for their family.An auditor cannot be the auditor for a company in which his family members hold shares/work or are interested in anyway.This is to protect the company from the vulnerability of being exploited due to inside trading.This is at micro-economical level!!for political parties.....decisions of which have an macro-economical effect...its ironical that the constitution has not protected the nation from the vulnerability of being controlled according to the whims & fancies of related members of a political party!!!
At this rate of depreciation,democracy would very soon make it to the list of dinosaurs,sabertooth tigers,dodos,culture,good films!!