In the name of movies-PART I

PROLOGUE:

As the movie starts playing in the Cinema Hall, we transcend into the Reel world to peep into the life of the Protagonist leaving behind our conscious self with the popcorn tub. Movies are the escapist solace people seek from the real world. But the duration of the sub-conscious mind’s stay in the fabricated world is dependent on how much we connect emotionally with the director’s figment of imagination. If the movie works, the mind’s relaxed & we crave for a little more of the experience(Quantum of solace>ticket rate)…but when the movie doesn’t, the mind immediately goes on a guilt trip questioning the propriety of the decision to watch the movie  when naphthalene balls were there for consumption to achieve the same purpose & why the director’s dad should have been impotent , but then it fantasizes butter popcorn melting in the tongue ably lubricated by Coke to make up for the void.(Quantum of Solace=Butter Popcorn +Coke or Quantum of Solace<Ticket Rate).

Movies have inspired lives in many ways -got some  married while getting some divorced, created awareness about social issues, invented new techniques for high end burglaries, vanquished nuclearity in some families and has split some joint families, made alcoholic beverages a mandatory helpline for heartbreaks among other things.

Then there are some actors who give their lives for movies and some for who people would give their lives. This post is dedicated to the funny side of the tinsel town with its share of clichés & myths.

INTRODUCTION SEQUENCE:

These are the generally practiced methods for the pre-intro scene build-up-

• A family is shown being slaughtered with a solitary member escaping with a kid(we know who)
• A group of girls are chased in a busy highway by goons(stunt masters)
• Domestic animals are shown causing mayhem in neighbourhood for which Menaka Gandhi was duly notified.
• Comedian is enquired by a bevy of girls about the hero’s whereabouts
• Sidekicks out of the blue  start belting out previous movie names of the hero looking at the audience Junior artists dressed up as farmers are exploited by a megalomaniac landlord draws a line challenging labourers to cross it to save a fellow old labourer.
•  Wrestling Tournament where an aggressive Pakistani/North-Indian Wrestler  beats the hell out of junior stunt masters & challenges the masculinity of Indians or most commonly hordes of (stunt masters) rowdies  run into a very familiar abandoned  workshop/factory godown set chasing the hero .

Once the build-up is over, we are shown a pair of legs walking towards us or a fist is shown along with a hefty goon flying away and the focus gradually moves upwards to the hero’s face who winks, acknowledging the anonymous body parts to be his.Would you believe it we Indians shoot the introductory sequence at the budget of "paranormal activity"!

OPENING SONG:

This is the culmination point of the intro scene, where the hero blows his own trumpet gyrating alongside a desperate choreographer & a group of junior dancers. Extra effort is taken to show montages of the hero helping septuagenarians cross roads, helping school kids do their home-work or saving the stereo-type pregnant woman from her drunkard hubby or snubbing super-models during the song’s running time. 

Then enough importance is given to include heavy-duty messages in the lyrics that are characterized by eternity of friendship, work is worship aspect, importance of labourers, how to impress girls, why girls are dangerous to a guy’s future, board-exam FAQs, CBSE syllabus, ayurvedic beauty tips, how to bake flower like idlis, SBI interest rates ,ruling party manifesto, details of off-season sale at life-style etc among other things.
                                                                                                           



                                                                                                                    To be continued...

Gym Night

His gym closed at 9.30 PM unapologetically. Aware of which he wanted to indulge in some cardio in a bid to mitigate effects,a possible heavy dinner might have on his love handles.Not that he wasn't fit,just that he was a little touchy around the waist. As soon as he entered the gym's cardio segment, he could see a petite frame of a girl working out on a elliptical equipment. Good for him, the entire floor had mirrors embedded on walls, that he needn't have to lech further.Her face was pretty, more importantly graceful.

8.45PM
 He(hesistantly): How do I increase the pressure on this one?
She: Press the "UP" button on the right hand top of the hand
He:Thanks. Veteran here?
She:I'm pretty irregular.I'm getting married the next month, so on a mission.
He:Presume it's a theme wedding with a pretentious photographer earmarked to tell a story through 25 pictures in scenic locations with his company's name watermarked on the bottom corner of every picture?
She(bursts into laughter):Kind of. Just that I want to look pretty
He:Btw, I'm Akshath
She: I'm Vrithika. I know it's a weird name
He:No,it's not. Just that your teachers should have had phonetic issues while taking attendance and you must have your name spelled wrong in correspondences,more often than not
She:My grandmom chose it
He:Why did she have a veto on your name for christsake?

She gushed

9.05PM-9.20PM

She:What do you do?
He:I'm a financial consultant.You?
She:Lawyer
He: I better to be politically correct.The band on the neck together with the black gown makes for good viewing
She: Dude. It's summer and doesn't help that I sweat like a pig.
He:We have our official fashion peeves too-blazers for Chennai's humidity
She:Jobless wife of Akshay kumar is trending because she trolled Chetan Bhagat.
He:Bhagat bashing is the new sport on social media
She:I read the plot summary on the back of his recent book.It would make a 3rd grade kid squirm in his English classes.
He:Really? I had regards for him for getting the hoi polloi into the reading habit. That said he can't leverage his popularity as a writer to judge dance shows.

She chuckled

9.20PM-9.30PM

He:Why are you in ethnic clothes?
She:Straight from office. I had a pair of sweat shirts which smelt pungent.
He:Thanks for being considerate.
She(laughs):I feel referring a woman,"woman" is so disrespectful. We can't call u men."male".Can we?
He:"Woman" has got an authoritative ring to it."Male" is not only part of parlance, but blah on the ears too.Perks of male chauvinism

The Gym's manager subtly asks them to get the f*** out in the switch off language.

She: Last 5 mins, Sir.

The lights come back on the floor in a jiffy with the contingency of him remaining as unexcited.

He:Had I asked for the same extension, he would have shown his third finger from either side
She:Perks of female chauvinism, I suppose.
He:Hail hydra!!
She:I'm done. Nice meeting you Akshath. You'll be coming tomorrow?
He:Ciao Vrithika. See you around.

He walked her to her car that was parked outside the complex housing the gym. Then drove home smiling.Baffling, given the fact that he was eternally, a stone-faced grump.

The Genie-Us

"Only few were smart before the smart phones,just like few were cooks till Maggi came along."

The quest for convenience has perpetuated in advancements leaving the previous processes vestigial. Resistance has come often from reluctance to change, the intimidation of its rapidity conferring the sore thumbs with a 'purist' tag for consolation.  

Take for instance the dynamism in the evolution of cricket over the years, from 90 overs it has capsulized to 20 overs.The purists who had expressed dissent during the transitional phase are found perched in the confines of the commentary box ,meekly overseeing the proceedings of the same things they once resisted.

Earlier one had to be an aficionado to know about a movie's facts and trivia. But now all you have to do is look up the movie on Google and voila, you have everything about it including marital status of siblings of the principal cast along with pirated links to the movie itself.A person's character was judged by the company he kept till a time his search history became accessible. 

We used to lie effectively,be creative when it came to making alibis for our escapades.But with the arrival of "Alt Tabs" and "incognito modes" the chivalry just became impotent.

Like in the case of every invention, this too does have its pros and cons, patrons and naysayers. Take for instance travel as a hobby,people had to travel far & wide to talk about a certain destination at length before Google. Now all one has to do is look up a destination and it vomits images,videos,travel blogs and itinerary suggestions .Being well informed has metamorphosed from keeping ear to the ground to fingers on the keyboard.
During my dad's time the effort that one took in a certain direction entailing time & money among other resources, defined his passion. These days it's come down to internet speed and Mb spent to be a jack of all trades.The scope for bluffing is so high that it is hard to figure what a person's core competence is just by his authoritative opinions on a subject matter.

Google's not only played a big hand in shrinking the radius of the earth,but also in down-scaling utilisation of vital resources like paper & petrol considerably by overhauling existing processes to achieve similar results in an obscenely simpler manner.From a time when fidelity was tangible, we have come to embrace an era with its integrity founded on virtual existence.
But to me the best thing that has happened is the man hours chiseled of  trivial pursuits by the press of a button. There's more time to live life than before, thanks to Google. But the irony can't be ignored that the life expectancy has gone southwards in the same era.

As much as the world has become a more accessible place with the mouse turning from a rodent to a navigator, the growing crevice on the human spirit can't be ignored entirely.
With every pursuit in the direction of civic perfection, the primal facets of our tribe seems to be receding to an erstwhile status like the forehead of a fast balding man.

The path of evolution is regulated by the spirit of one-upmanship with cannibalistic tendencies to a previous trend.The one's embracing it move forwards as cogs in a wheel, the sentimental ones stagnate to sing posthumous laurels.
All that said there is no denying the good Google has done, for it is an indiscriminate genie.The blame for the manifestations must lie entirely with Aladdin.